After some discussion with my peers it seem the game with no name isn't the opulent endorphin fest I had envisaged. In fact it got massacared last night.

The main reason was due to a discovery of another game called What did you call. The idea is simple, think of a character from t.v or film who is a little obscure, (but no so much so that only a fanboy would know) and then ask you're friends What did you call.. blah blah blah!

I know that doesnt sound like much fun, but trust me, the fustration of knowing that somewhere in your brain has the answer but you cannot access it, followed by the jubilation when you managed to trick it in to telling you is, for lack of a better word, fuckinggreat.

Some examples:

What did you call.........?

John Maclane's wife in Die Hard
Marge and Homers principle
Saved by the Bell's principle
Rosanne's sister from Rosanne

For more, contact your local pub and brain!

Have fun

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The game with no name.

Ok, before I begin thins blog entry just let me say, I don’t know where this idea came from but I personally think it might be the greatest game ever invented. So that’s the over hype out of the way lets get started.

I remember thinking some time ago isn’t it funny how Morgan Freeman plays the same role in every film he has ever been in. From “Red” in The Shawshank Redemption to Bruce Wayne’s mate in Batman begins he’s basically the same person. The dependable old intellectual, who never fails to impress with his knowledge. A friend once described this as the Wise old owl complex.

Freeman is not the only actor with a type cast criminal record but he is the most consistent. However this is not the case for many other actors who have managed to jump from role to role like a ninja whose shoes are on fire. It is this inconsistency in some actor’s careers that have spawned my latest creation.

The idea is to take an actor and swap his character in one particular film with another. I know that doesn’t really clarify what is involved but I will give some examples below, along with some pretty pictures to help.

Movie one.

Teen Wolf to the Future:

Actor: Michael J Fox

Plot: Fox plays a teenager whose life is turned upside down by a hereditary condition that turns him into a werewolf. He befriends a local lunatic/ scientist who creates a time machine and sends him back in time.

Best line: “Give me a keg of beer Biff”

Wolf to the future

Movie two:

Ted’s excellent adventure to the Matrix.

Actor: Keanu Reeves

Plot: A retarded teenager from Pasadena discovers a telephone box from the future that takes him beyond the realms of realty to discover the “real” world

Best Line: “Whooah I totally know Kung fu dude”

Excellentmatrix

Movie three:

Terminator Cop:
Actor: Arnold Swartzanegger

Movie: A cybernetic organism from the future is sent back in time to work as an undercover cop teaching a class of children, in order to capture a master criminal and then TERMINATE HIM!

Best Line: “Who is you’re daddy and what does he do BA-BY”

Terminator_cop

This final example doesn’t quite run with the above format but funny all the same.

Imagine Jules from Pulp Fiction as Mace Windu from Star Wars.

“What does Master Yoda look like, does he look like a BITCH? “

Ha-ha!

Pulpwindu

Anyway this can be played in the pub, at a dinner party or even during a particular shit episode of Judge Judy. Fun Times. Let me know if you think of any other good ones.

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Having decided that as I am currently incapable of producing any thought provoking or even mildly interesting photography at the minute, I have decided to concentrate on using this blog to vent my creative anger on unsuspecting celebrities (I use the term "celebrities" very, very loosely and you will soon see why).

When deciding on which self-indulging, deluded, narcissistic freak from beyond the realms of actual reality to attack, I pondered on quite a few. Tom Cruise, for his incessant smiling and complete fall from favour after going literally insane. Or maybe the Wachowski brothers for taking a massive dump on my childhood expectations and producing the Matrix sequels. What happened to the prequel? That would have been awesome. However I have decided to go a little further back in time and to something quite esoteric. The reason for this is to accommodate a promise I made to Leila... (Yes Leila this post is for you. whoop).

Ok enough building of tension; lets get to the matter in question, who's in for a veritable ear bashing? I'll let the video do the talking... remember this?

Vanilla - No Way, No Way

For anyone who doesn't quite remember this one shit wonder, it is the pop sensation Vanilla, with their first (yes there was more than one) single, No Way No Way. Which ironically is what most people said when anyone suggested listening to this crap. The song was inexplicably based on the Piero Umilian song Ma Na Mah Na that was made famous by a bunch of mupets... No not this bunch, the ones from The Muppet Show.HAHAHAH! Awww dear.

Ok so what is so awful about them? Well I can only imagine that some coked up, low budget music producer, who was off his face in Ibiza forgot the deadline for a new Girl-band was the following day and literately threw them together at the last minute. I imagine something like this…

>Phone rings...

Music Producer> Hello

Music Executive> Alan... how’s that project coming, have u shot the video yet?

Music Producer> SHIT... I mean yeah yeah it's all sorted.

Music Executive> Good we need the VT sent through by tomorrow.

Music Producer> Yes no problem, I'll pass it on first thing.

> Hangs up phone.

Music Producer> Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck... Oi you lot! Do you want to be famous??

Slag’s> Yeah alwight he he he!

Music Producer> Great, stand over there by the pool. Miguel, come here and get your camcorder out.

And thus the band was born.

Not only can they not sing, which can be over looked, (Spice Girls) they have got even the basic formula for a late 90's girl band totally wrong. Firstly there should be five.. Not four, five I don't know why it just is. Also everyone knows that you need four slightly attractive ones (although not so hot that you would shit your pants and start mumbling like a school boy if one of them spoke to you in a bar) and one ugly one who gradually gets slightly better looking the more famous they get… See Sporty Spice and The ginger from Girls Aloud for reference. What Vanilla have settled for is a group of twenty something slappers from Barnet.

Vanilla are a perfect example of Warhol’s 15 minutes of fame quote, although luckily for us having only released two soulless, cock craving songs… noises they only managed 6mins in total.

However it’s not all poolside flesh flashing and reverse psychology for Vanilla oh no. After making a mockery of the, lets face it, not exactly cutting edge genre that is the girl band, they decided to do something radical. Now what could a completely insignificant band do to raise there profile? Get a footballer boyfriend? Shag a really old millionaire? No that’s not good enough for Vanilla. They re-released themselves as a Marxist pop bad… I shit you not.

CLICK THE SHIT OUT OF THIS

Truly unbelievable. Safe to say that the Marxist thing went down as well as a buckeroo competition at a Parkinson’s convention and they disappeared back into disgustingly oblivious reality. No doubt they are all now on at least three stars in McDonalds and defiantly not shit.

P.S Sorry about the negativity and length of this rant. I put the blame completely on Charlie Brooker’s shoulders. So if you don’t like it you can kiss my……sorry sorry!

P.P.S Isnt the internet great? Where eles can you read a rant about an almost completly anonomous 90's girl band? In your face, world!
 

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I don't normally post blogs of this nature but there comes a time in every mans life that something so fantastically unbelievable happens that a rant is absolutely required.

We all remember where we were when the planes crashed into the twin towers on Sept 11th, in the same way that my parents remember what they were doing when JFK was shot and V.E day for my Grandparents. Well ladies and gents, put down that cup of tea and wipe your eyes as you are about to experience one of those moments again....

Why? I hear you ask, the answer....  THIS

TEETH - OFFICIAL TRAILER

Ok, Ok.. I know what your thinking. "WHAT THE FUCK! Is this a Joke?" Apparently not, this is a genuine film that has be produced and will be on general release around the U.K and Ireland in a few days time!  Yes you heard correctly it's a film about a girl who has teeth in her lady garden!!! To be quite honest I am struggling to get my head round this and make any sense of such shocking premise for a film.. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? No doubt the same people who though Snakes on a Plane was an  awesome  title for a movie! I suppose that does bring to air one small light at the end of this ridiculous bullshit tunnel... at least it's not called, "Teeth in a Cunt"

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Well it's got to that time, the time of writing a strongbow fulled blog entry about the year that has just gone in the fruitful town that is Blackpool. Yes I know what your thinking is that such a time?? I doubt that it is a regular occurance for the mass population of Blackpool but for me it's  a time, so fuck off with your hoity-toity (thats a word, google it) opinions and go and begin judging someone else who doesn't care what you think.

Anyway, so how has the year been?? Well thank you very much for asking, to sum my year at uni up in one word I would say... Fuck off thats impossible then I would probably say "experience" then I would probably say Fuck off. thats pretentious. So basically I will not try to sum up the last year of my life in one word but write a few and hope sombody gives a fuck enough to read them.

Overall, in summary, on the whole, at the end of the day, when the ship comes in, when the plane has landed are all popular phrases to describe the end of things. However I do not see this as the end of something but merely the end of the first chapter, to quote some twat that is more intelligent than me. It is true though, this year was about learning and learn I did, I was like some flesh eating zombie from "night of the living dead" gagging for knowledge.However I  still found myself literally frustrated by my inept ability to avoid work even though I really wanted to do it... WTF (yes I used a text acronym. problem?) but why o' why is it that even when you are completely besotted by a subject and cannot get enough of it, you feel the need to go on facebook and look at pictures. taken by a person you haven't seen in 5 years of holiday time in Paris, who by the way, we don't even like??? I think it has something to do with the inherit traites of humanity... nosiness (i'm not sure if that is a word..google it).

(i'm taking a new paragraph cause I hate it when paragraphs go on for ages)

We are all insanely interested by what other people are doing, we have conversations about how "such and such" just got a new job and how "so and so" is'nt going out with "who gives a fuck" any more because they we're fed up with how then buttered their toast. This is why Big Brother is such a successful program, people are nosy. If I turned up to a party as a stranger an introduced myself as "Brian the pervert, I like to look at people through their windows" I would probably not make it out of the party alive.... but, "Hello I'm Brian I like Big Brother," thats fine because it's on T.V and T.V makes everything O.K.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I TALKING ABOUT??

Oh yeah my first year in Uni.......... actually I have decided that after 6 tins of strongbow I am going to save this blog entry for another time. One where I can reflect subjectively about the year, not one when all I am thinking about is big giant ninja badgers beating up Mexicans....

Peace out fucko's Im pist!

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Yes thats what you will be shouting as you reach the end of this laborious blog entry... and also possibly "what was the point in that?"

Well I'll tell you, I'm not here to entertain but merely to amuse myself as I take a break from the most horrid of horrid tasks...packing up my room for the summer. Since starting this task I have noticed two things:

1. I have an abundance of complete and utter wank, that I do not want or need and yet feel compelled to keep.
2. Moving things from one side of the room to the other doesn't constitute them as "packed".

At the minute I am quite tempted to pack up all off my personal items and set fire to them in some insane tribute to Tyler Durden. However i won't be doing that because... eh ...mmm ehh. it's not the done thing. No matter how persuasive Brad Pitt is, "Fuck my Khakis? Fuck your Khakis".. "what the fuck are Khakis???

Anyway I digress, in fact I don't really have anything to digress from as this post is nothing more than an interlude for the packing my room show. So I don't digress I continue gressing thank you very much.

I have realised that this blog is one supreme waste of time as I have managed to talk complete uninteresting horse tits for a few minutes and guess what? It's not fun to read!

So guess what? Have a fucking picture your photo viewing whores!!

2541855894_5295d7be88

Ok so this might not be the most interesting picture in the world or even well composed, lit, framed etc etc.. However as I have finished Uni for the summer my days of studio work are over for a few months, so I have gone back over old images to play about with them and work on a few techniques.

This is a hyper reality technique loosely based on the work of Jill Greenberg, a photographer I am quite fond of. I hope to be able to personalise this technique and make it my own.

JILL GREENBERG!!

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Here is the final layout of my Fake GQ mag's fashion article looking at this hoody culture.

2528028724_e774a6ee1f_b

It's pretty hard to make out you can see a slightly bigger version here---> CLICK THIS FUCK

Basically I was sick and tired of hearing on the news about how I am going to get kicked to death or stabbed by everyone under 18 who wears a hooded top every time I dare run the chav fulled gauntlet to buy some milk from the corner shop!

I wanted to portray a lesser spotted creature, the teenager who isn't maiming and killing but doing what almost all kids today do. Hang about the streets and get pissed! I felt a magazine article would be an interesting way to go, especially G fucking Q who's target market is about 1% of the actual population forcing illusions of grandeur in our faces!

Anyway with tongue placed firmly in cheek I shot the above sequence. I hope the message gets across!

I'm off to watch the news and see what other horrible things are going to happen to me this week!

Kill your T.V

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I thought I'd mention this girl I stumbled across on Flickr....

Her work is as about original as you can get these days without going mental. She has an incredible eye for things like tonal range and colour in general. What interests me most about her work is the fantastic unlimited imagination she places in each image.

Seriously if you have a spare 10 mins just have a look through some her pictures.

You might be more encouraged to do so when you find out that she's only 13.... mental!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/prettypony/

Girl in violet dress, originally uploaded by Chrissie White.

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Look at me go three entries in a week... whats going on. I put this down my current T.V ban. Lets face it everything on it is absolute eye rot, which neither encourages or stimulates.

<begin rant>

I think the epiphany this time was when I was watching Jeremy Kyle, suck up to some unfortunate women.. asking her sympathetic questions and listening intently to her story with a caring shoulder to cry on. Only to kick her off the empathy high chair, in a ferocious attack, once it was mentioned that she'd smoked a spliff in front of her 15 year old son! Fuck me Jeremy, hardly crime of the century... you changed your face quicker than "man e faces" from He-man!

It is truly an embarrassing state of affairs when this tripe passes as entertainment! To be quite honest I'd rather climb  up Kyle's pompous middle class arse and try to eat my way out than watch another second of it!

But it is not only Kyle and his evil ways, I'm just fed up looking at a box in the corner of my room, I just feel guilty. If I ever get to the stage that I need cheering up by watching the latest rock/punk/indie/retro/futuristic celeb destroying their lives by snorting the entire GDP of Columbia or giggling at underprivileged families sharing their home with fucking Princess Ferguson, (seriously whats that about) I will have the urge to balance knives on my eyelids and run face first into a brick wall.

Oh yeah, the "apart from".. well that only includes Football.(Champions league final and Euro 2008) and The Apprentice..I cant help it I'm addicted now!

Final note on T.V, Big Brother will be starting soon... Christ!

<end rant/>

ANYWAY........

Here is a final image from my narrative brief. I've decided to shoot a fashion article for one of those fancy mens mags like GQ, which are blatantly for in the closet bummers, but with a tongue in cheek tone. The narrative will be a look at a day in the life of a hoody! I'm nowhere near finished and the hand in is ehh soon!

Peace out and Kill your T.V!!!

Andy2

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My first attempt at a business card.... fuck!

BusinessCard

Any thoughts on the logo... I can't decide if it's shit or not!

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