Well the inevitable has happened, I have decided to shut down my vox blog for good. I haven't posted on here for so long now I felt it was about time.
I have now decided to switch to blogger.com, which offers all the same perks as Vox and none of the drawbacks. I mean how annoying is it that you spend a few hours putting together a massive rant about a forgotten shit girl band from the 90's only to be not able to bask in your glory by reading the comments people made about your awesomness.
I'll tell you, it's really fucking annoying.
There is also the endless technical glitches that I just can't be bothered with anymore.
Well anyway, I am off, but not gone or forgotten here is my new blog http://shutteritis.blogspot.com/ which I will be slowely updating with all the content I had on here.
Bye vox it's been emotional.
Ok so we have now got the second of our two new members of the family. My wee sister, Lauren gave birth this morning to a little baby boy named Dylan John, after a whopping 38hrs in labour.
I can't tell you how surreal it is to have your younger sister bring a new little person into the world. I am starting to understand why my Nanny still treats me like I am 15. Lauren is my wee sister and always will be, she can't have a baby, that's for grown ups and 13 year old's from the K-Ranch.
Anyway both are well and awaiting a visit from Uncle Brian. Hopefully get there by the 14th of November.
Here is some pics, he is sooooo wee.
Yeah yeah I know I have been neglecting this Blog recently but that's mostly to do with the fact that I have found myself literally submerged in photography. Loving photography is one thing but for the last week or so I have been so involved with it I am struggling to think or talk about anything else. I haven't slept properly in a week and think I'm slowly losing my mind.
Ok maybe a little dramatic there Brian, but I seriously cannot get enough of it at the moment. Unfortunatly this has lead to a creative block the size of a house. I am enaired within myself, everything I shoot for my current brief is wrong, I am over analysing or complicating and generally being a dick, but I can't help it. I think a massive step back is required.
Anyway here's some non thought provoking fashion images I shot last week. They mean fuck all but the lighting is nice
I have worked myself into a crazed state of rage due to the shear incompedence of the web desigers at vox.com.
For the last 20mins I have been attempting to post another of my mindless blog entries to show a few pics I have taken only to get shafted up the ass by the retards who designed this fucking thing.
I am not even going to bother to explain what keeps happening but I will say that it is basically the equivalent of walking into happy snaps, picking up you holiday pictures Then on the way to your best friends house to show them you great pics, you decide to shove them up your arse and shout html code at the top of you voice.
Nice work VOX.com, you were skating on thin ice as it was, and now this. The younger sexier model wordpress.com is nipping at your heels.
ANYWAY, here is some picture shit. These are my new housemates. New lighting style an new processing technique, wadda y'all think??
For those who what to experience my intelligent alter ego... (whose also a bit of a twat) you can to this on my photography web blog site thingy. Which is situated HERE, HERE CLICK THIS!!! I use my real name and everything.
And finally.......
Just have to say a massive congratulation to Jar and Monters and Kym and Claire who got engaged last weekend, who'd have thought Monters was Jar's type. Haha I'm so funny I nearly did a shit.
Seriosuly though congratulations guys, wish you all the sucess in the future..... Jeeeesus were're doing all that there getting old shit.
Hoooray, the first of two new additions to the Morrison / Graham family has finally arrived. Andrea gave birth last night at around 9pm to a beautiful baby boy named Louie James Graham.
Both are well and everyone is elated, not least my Mum who could barely talk to me last night due to continual crying.
Anyway I'll post some more updates when I hear them but here is a pic my Dad emailed me in the mean time... oh the cuteness!!
I have just this second witnessed a crime against advertising and a visual poke in the intellect. No it's not that fucking ridiculously irritating DFS advert that is literary on constantly, it's something I feel is much more offensive. It's the "new" Cadbury adverts. If you havent seen them yet look below.
As a person considering the prospect of a life in commericlal photography I find this crap particulary offensive, how dare they just stick a different song over the top of it and expect me not to care. Well I do care, it insults my intellegence and my aspirations, is this a world i want to be apart of? Maybe I'm over reacting but so what, I cannot stand lack of creativity within advertising, there is no excuses for it.
To end on an upbeat note (i'm trying to be more positive theses days) lets have a look at an advert done properly.
And it is going to continue, no not the fact that I am starting a sentence with a grammatical error but the length of time until my next "decent" blog entry. This one is just a quick smash and grab to let all my fans know why I haven't blogged for a while.
Well there is two reasons for this one being that I have started a more serious blog on another website (no knob gags here). I know, I know I feel like I'm cheating on Vox aswell. However I have wanted for sometime now to start a photography blog and had consider revamping this one to the aforementioned. I quickly realised that the internet is awesome and will allow you to have more than one. (I think three is the limit, after that Johnny Internet thinks you are taking the piss and calls round to your house with an angry face and literaly takes a piss on your shoes..or so I hear).
The second being that after a number of cynical (albeit amusing to some) posts I feel it is having an effect on my well being. I can honestly say that I have been (on and off) in one of the worst moods ever over the last month or so. Negative, unforgiving and just down right miserable, with NO good reason to feel so. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who has been on the receiving end of this, namely my amazing girlfriend, who has managed to put up with the huffs and "I hate T.V" rants. Sorry Sarah and thank you.
Anyway, here's a link to my new photography Blog its the best thing since Big Brother four.
I'll be back though don't worry.x
I had originally planned to chuck a Bapp’s eye-view on the Olympics a while ago and then decided against it, mainly due to the monumental amount of media coverage it was receiving before it had even started due to China's excellent public relation skills. I mean it was bordering on Madelene McCann size proportions. I was just going to let China have their murderous genocide campaign and eat it, and not bring it to the most important public arena, Bapp’s blog. Until now……
Ok, I’m sure many of you will be expecting a huge conspiracy fuelled rant on the horrendous atrocities that China has inflicted on the province of Tibet. Or maybe the individual savage attacks on innocent monks by the brutal Chinese militia. No, I haven’t decided to turn this blog into Rupert Murdoch’s nightmare…….Yet.
I am instead, going to point out a few slightly less important things that are pissing me off about the Olympics. So never mind the torture and suffering this is just for shits and giggles. Whoop, “Holy antagonism Batman”
Unfortunately I missed the opening ceremony this year due to the fact that it was on at some ridiculous hour and the fact that the on button on my T.V has developed bi-polar disease due to neglect, but I heard it was not the usual Teletubbies on acid we have come to expect from the organisers of these events. Instead it was a visual joy packed with creativity. So I checked it out online and holy shit it did not disappoint. From the mind-boggling choreography to the insane firework display it really was an amazing feat of entertainment. Good luck topping that London!
So far, so good? No. The most controversial games of the modern era couldn’t even get through the opening ceremony with out sticking two fingers up at the intellect of the billions of viewing public and causing more controversy. Apparently the organisers didn’t feel it was enough to have the biggest firework display in history and decided to spruce it up by adding a few extra fireworks using CGI. Ok so it may not be the worst thing China has ever been involved in, but that’s not the point. It is breaking the basic principle of live t.v, what you see is what you get. Before you know it Natasha Kaplinski will be hitting us with a breaking news forecast, live from the top of mount Fiji, only to find out, she’s really in a studio in London, next to a blue screen with fake snow blowing past.
I am well aware that t.v tricks us into believing things are happening when they are not, but that’s always been down to clever editing or sound bites used to set a mood and trigger some unrelated emotion. Editing what we see with our own two eyes and fobbing it off as reality is inherently wrong. “Oh but it was just for entertainment value”, I hear the weak minded sheep murmur. Entertainment value? Sure why not just get Spielburg in to direct the whole fucking Olympics? That would make it more entertaining. Sure he could chuck a few robot dinosaurs into chase the sprinters during the 100m final, that would keep your hyperactive, MTV infested brain active wouldn’t it eh, eh, EH!!???
Anyway, unbelievably that was not the worst thing the organisers faked. Having searched through the 1,321,851,888 people that populate China, they came across a girl with a voice so beautiful it had to be used to represent the nation as a whole. The only problem was that she didn’t have, how can I put this, the “look”? Well not to worry, people will forget about that once she opens her mouth, wont they? Not according to China’s version of Simon Cowell. The little girl was cut from Olympic Factor in favour of someone who was prettier. Yes people, no one is safe from the aesthetics police, not even a seven year old girl. If this wasn’t bad enough the fuckers brought in some other nine year old eye candy and then used the previous girls recording because the new one couldn’t sing. Christ almighty what as the world come to? Seriously, is it really that important how attractive a fucking seven year old is? Surely you want to discourage the kind of people who care how hot a seven year old is from watching.
After writing the above I have decided that my gripes about the Olympic coverage pail in comparison so I am just going leave them for now. I’ll maybe update it when I’m not feeling so serious. I’ll leave you with a video depicting the shocking behaviour of the Chinese government.
Skip to 2.30... oh and beware, it isn't pretty!
Sweet dreams…............................…^
Hello?
<Pause>
HELLO!?
<Click>
Hello my name is Brian and I am not calling from the Natwest bank to let you know about an additional “benefit” that has been made available to you. I don’t care how you are doing today, what you do for a living or if you’re going on holiday.
Yes my days of talking monotone horseshit to random English people has now finished, so whoop de doo for me. In celebration of this momentous occasion I have decided to pop a blog entry in sighting what I learnt from six weeks inside the big metal box of retards.
Firstly labelling most of the people that work in the call centre as retards is a little harsh. Pig ignorant racist cock ends would be much more realistic. Within 30 seconds of my first listening in session I realised that some of the staff members could actually tell the colour of some peoples skin without ever seeing them. Quite a talent I agree, but it did not stop there. Some members were actually able to pin point which area in the world certain people originated from just by reading a name. Amazing!
After closer inspection I quickly realised that the call centre staff had not acquired some comic book-esq super power and were merely referring to anybody not called John Smith or Johnny Ulster, as Pakistani’s or of Negro origins. (Note: I have paraphrased the actual words used). After being fully initiated into the Pariah boot camp training regime, I quickly realised that my short time here would be spent mostly on my own, in a corner, looking down my smug slightly more educated nose at all the great big bloody racists, fantastic!
Secondly, people will buy anything, actually anything. The Natwest had decided that it wasn’t enough that people throw billions of imaginary pound coins at them and suffer life debilitating debt in order to payback money that never actually existed in the first place, not to mention the extra magic money the bank asks for on top called “interest rates”. No they want more. In order to prise the few final pennies from the hands of “the people” to be stuffed in the every increasingly bulging pocket of “the man”, they created the Natwest Accident Protector Plan. This is an insurance policy so shit that even Wile E Coyote wouldn’t benefit from it.
At nearly £10 per month it basically only pays out in the event of an accident so severe that you are left with the loss of use of a specific part of your body. Oh wait, you say, that would be good for me as I ride a motorcycle… Nope that’s excluded. Ok then it would still give me some piece of mind while I’m doing my extreme sports…NOPE excluded. Fine well at least I’ll be covered in my job in the army, NOPE. So basically all the occasions where an accident is slightly more statistically likely to happen are excluded, yet people still bought it. Some guys on the floor are selling seven policies per day… everyday. It makes me want to set up a stall in Camden market, London and sell “Bags of fresh steamy shit” at only 3 quid a pound.
Thirdly, and on a slightly more up beat note, not everyone who answers a sales call is a complete bastard. Before starting at the call centre I half expected to be asked by every prospective customer if I would like my headset to be inserted up my anus, but that was not the case, far from it. Most people were pleasant and polite even when calling at the most inappropriate times (Ringing a women on holiday in Australia springs to mind). I suppose that says a lot more about me and my perceptions of people than anything else, no doubt Freud would be having a huge psychobabble wank at the prospect of this. Not to mention that this is the shortest of all the sections so far. “Yis Brian I haz come to ze concluzion dat you are a mizrable kunt”
Fourthly (and finally) creativity and mental stimulation are extremely hard to come by in a call centre. Fair enough the team leaders do an excellent job at keeping people motivated and generally awake. However when you are sitting in exactly the same spot for 9hrs every day and making over 400 calls, most of which are answering machines, I personally need something more than a woman screeching “COME ON GUYS” in my ear. Luckily the company does not frown upon getting an extra chair to put your feet on, burying your head in a note pad and doodling like Matt Groening on speed. So that’s what I did, the results are below.
Fun
I’m heading back to England next week and to the V Festival, excellent. No doubt I will have something so say about that!
Peas!
After some discussion with my peers it seems the game with no name isn't the opulent endorphin fest I had envisaged. In fact it got massacared last night.
The main reason was due to the discovery of another game called What did you call. The idea is simple, think of a character from t.v or film who is a little obscure, (but no so much so that only a fanboy would know) and then ask you're friends What did you call.. blah blah blah!
I know that doesnt sound like much fun, but trust me, the fustration of knowing that somewhere in your brain has the answer but you cannot access it, followed by the jubilation when you managed to trick it in to telling you is, for lack of a better word, fuckinggreat.
Some examples:
What did you call.........?
John Maclane's wife in Die Hard
Marge and Homers principle
Saved by the Bell's principle
Rosanne's sister from Rosanne
For more, contact your local pub and brain!
Have fun
Links
some pics to lighten the mood
Welcome to the BA (Hons) Photography Course at Blackpool ...
Watch it - you'll piss yourself laughing - trust me. friend of mine watched it thinking (as the trailer tries... read more
on Kubricks finest hour....